The Good Life Quotable Quotes
I know I am a week late for this link up. I have been checked out of the blog world like Kelsey has. Just a lot going on in life in general. I seen the theme and thought I have to link this in even though it's late.
Quotable Quotes..... there are soo many that I have ran into on Pinterest that truly described a feeling that I have felt before or was feeling at the time. And an opportunity to get to know a little about me.
Lets just start with the feelings of being a mother at the age of 17. I can still remember the fears and anxiety I had when I learned I was gonna be a mother the summer before my Senior year of High School. The year that everyone waits for, the Big Sha-Bang! And here I was pregnant and worried about soo much more than what the average teen had to worry about. Was I gonna be a good Mom? How was I gonna pay for everything? Was his Dad and I gonna still be together and make it? What is everyone gonna think of me? I remember when I told my Dad about my pregnancy (which was my biggest fear), he said as long as I finished school he was behind me. Which moved mountains as far as my attitude and outlook.
In January that year we welcomed Christian Douglas, at a Whopping 9lbs 4oz big bundle of all boy! My life changed that day. I knew it was never gonna be about me anymore, it was all about him! And I knew I was gonna give him the best life I possibly could.
The next few years life sure gave us a lot of curve balls. Some of them within my control and some out of my control. I left Christian's Dad when he was still a baby. I knew I wanted a better life for him. Hard choice but I never regretted it.
So the next few years were a bit of a struggle. Here I was trying to figure life out with a child in tow. Sure wasn't easy but I was doing it, with help from my family and friends of course.
Then at the age of 22 I met what I thought was "the one". After dating a few months we moved in together and shortly after I became pregnant. Needless to say my family wasn't too happy about it. As they didn't approve of him or our relationship for many reasons. I had moved out of my hometown and started a new life.
So exactly 1 year to our 1st date, Jaylen Blake was born. Something deep down told me after I gave birth, that life was now complete. We married when Jaylen was 1 1/2 year old. And went through ALOT of trials and tribulations. But all I could think about was being a mother of 2 kids and 2 different dads. And the fear of that judgement weighed heavy on me for many years. So I stuck it out as long as I possibly could. And then I made the choice to divorce. It wasn't an easy one but I knew I could make it through.
There were alot of times that I thought I was failing as a Mom. I thought that I was robbing these boys of a story book family. And questioned myself with "Did I make the right choice?" Here I was working 2 jobs just to make ends meet and barely keeping my head above water. My ex had moved out of state after the divorce so that made things a little more stressful.
But then I had found myself in a new relationship with a great man. And in that 1 relationship, he opened my eyes to a lot of things. In 3 years I think him and I went through more than what anyone or any relationship should go through.
2010 was the year that changed my life forever. All sense of the word and meaning of family were gone. In May of that year I found out that my own mother wasn't the woman I thought she once was. She was involved in some horrible things and we (my sister, and her own siblings) had cut all ties to her. We all knew she wasn't someone we could have in our lives anymore. And that alone was hard enough to deal with. And then a month later my Dad was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way to work. Talk about the walls, and world crumbling around you. For months I wouldn't let the kids out of my sight, I didn't want to leave my home. I did get the kids and myself in therapy right away. It took a long time to deal and try to come to terms with everything. But all I knew was I had my 2 kids that were looking at me for strength.
And I have no idea how or where it came from we got through.
My fathers death was something that tortured me. I hurt and I mean really hurt. The pain my heart felt in indescribable. I was mad at god, and questioned him on how this could all happen to one person at one time. Maybe I deserved to be hurt but why my hurt my boys? And it has taken me a long time to find peace with him.
My boyfriend stuck with us through all of this. He tried so hard to understand and help us all heal. He took the time with the boys to help them when I couldn't keep it together. He truly was our angel at that time. But as time passed and I still was struggling to make sense out of it (I didn't even the person I was), this all started putting a wedge in our relationship.
It put things in perspective as far as I was not gonna ever have any more children and he wanted and deserved that. I was gonna spend the rest of my life making sure these 2 boys lived as "normal" and secure of a life as possible. So though it hurt us both, it's kinda like that saying "If you love someone,set them free".
Now on to our next chapter...or book?
After that, everything was put in perspective. Family, my family is everything! It brought the boys and I closer. The boys appreciate each other a little more. I mean it was gonna be just us in this big world. Sometimes we all get busy, and we forget to live life. Enjoy it, you only get one trip! Make Memories!
I had known my husband for years, as friends. Well one day things just changed. I remember thinking, laugh.....we laugh all the time when we are together. And all I was after was a life full of laughter. And then the day came that we made it official...he became a dad, and his parents finally became grandparents. Something none of them had had yet. He is an only child and didn't have any children of his own. And they are most most wonderful grandparents that my boys could have ever asked for. I have thanked my mother-n-law so many times for being so great to us. And she will never realize how much the boys and I needed them. The love of a family, the trust and feeling of that. And she always tells me "We needed you guys just as much you needed us" we completed them. Now if that don't make your heart big! Someone up there put us all together knowing we all needed and deserved each other. And I thank god for that everyday!
I look forward to the new day everyday!
And I couldn't agree more... Life does go on!
OK enough serious I hafta share a couple funnies!
I am the biggest weenie and will scream like a wet cat. I hate spiders!
And because I am not a Spring Chicken anymore..
|And I just happened to have both!|